When God Speaks

I heard you yesterday.  As I rode along trimming the grass in my never-ending quest for beauty in my life and home, I heard you. 

“I’m yours, Lord-everything I am, everything I’ve got, everything I’m not.  I’m yours, Lord.  Try me now and see, see if I can be completely yours.”

A song I used to sing years ago.  And there is no conceivable reason it should have surfaced in my mind’s playlist.  No conceivable notion but You.  You sang to me, and I heard You loud and clear.  And if I’m brutally honest, I’m terrified, for I know exactly what You want.  Almost ten years ago when you laid it on my heart that you had a specific purpose for my ministry, you told me to be patient and wait for your timing, for in your timing you would reveal all mysteries.  It is time.

I am studying in Colossians and Paul speaks of God’s mystery revealed, which is the hope of Christ living in us and through us to spread the gospel, to reach the lost for the Kingdom.  And it is not coincidence that the very key words mystery revealed would be on my plate of study at the exact time when You are choosing to reveal my specific role in this quest for redemption.

In my gut, I’m terrified.  I’ve grown quite accustomed to my partial hermit-like existence, where I can live and move and breathe in the comforts and familiarities of my home on this farm in the middle of nowhere, where no one expects more of me than I am capable, where my family loves and supports regardless of my uglies, and where I feel adequate. Enough. 

Here, I am enough.  I am enough of a wife, enough of a mother, enough of a friend, enough of a volunteer at church.  Enough.  But Your call takes me to places I can never be enough.  And in the midst of my frantic unravelings inside, I hear you again.

I am enough.  I AM. 

And I know this to be true, because I know I Am.  I know You.  And my heart can’t beat without You in my life.  And so for this, Here I am.  Send me.  I am not enough, but I am yours.  And I will go.  This week I will obey.  And I will put my trust in you, as scared stiff as that makes me.  But I will stand on your feet, and I will share Your story through my story, so the whole world may know . . .

I’m yours, Lord-everything I am, everything I’ve got, everything I’m not. I’m yours, Lord.  Try me now and see, see if I can be completely yours.