Competing Comparisons

It must have started when I was born, at least I have no recollection of it being any other way-confined to competing against others around me because when I compare myself to them, I don’t measure up.

Like when I was in elementary school.  My dad arrived home from a ride on his motorcycle.  Now our mother had warned us plenty of times to stay away from the bike because we could burn ourselves on the exhaust.  My sister accidentally grabs hold of the muffler while we are playing and starts to cry, stating it is very hot and has burnt hands to prove it.  In my arrogant competitiveness, I tell her she is a wimp and proceed to grab the muffler for myself, only to find I am not the tough stuff I think I am.   A little girl competing against comparisons because when I sized up my sister, my internal defense mechanisms sprung to action to remedy my lacking significance.

I would like to say three decades remedied my dilemma, but I would be lying.  I have two friends who are rather ‘popular’ in their respective fields and are gaining renowned prominence.  Just today my Facebook stalking left me inwardly cringing a bit over their newest triumph toward public advancement.  And I found myself once again competing against the comparisons that wage war in my mind and heart.

Ugghh.   This is only the beginning of my disparaged tale of past competitive comparisons.  Throughout my school years, I did everything in my power to be the valedictorian of the classroom and the MVP of the court, which then turned into attempts to be the Teacher of the Year and the envy of the neighborly husbands.  When that became obviously impossible, it switched to Martha Steward Living for my homestead and the Brady bunch saga for my family, which then evolved to encompass goals of martyrdom and Billy Graham acclaims.  Yet time after repetitive time, the devil whispered on: 

“Oh, look how talented they are.  You’ll never be that talented.”

“Wow, she’s really got it all together.  Her house is beautiful.  She is beautiful.  Her children are beautiful.  Everything about her is just so-so. Even in her lounge pants and sweatshirt she’s got you beat.”

“You’ve wasted your whole life trying to be like Jesus and look at you.  You can’t even measure up enough to influence one person to Christ.”

“Try as you may, but you’ll never get it together.  Why don’t you just give up and deal with the fact you’ll always be a little less than impressive.”

Years of sharing life tells me I am not alone in this matter, but tonight I feel very isolated.  My heart screams everyone else is something and I am nothing.  I have missed the boat when I tried to step out and walk on water.  God called and I failed.  If only . . .

And then in the midst I again hear God’s voice.  It is not loud.  It is not prominent.  It is simply there.  And he says I am something.  He says He is not comparing me to anyone else in this world so neither should I.  He tells my heart to stop beating for the recognition of others and start pounding for the fulfillment of His very being indwelling me.  He reminds me that in His eyes, I always measure up, I am always significant. 

And then I hear loud and clear what he perhaps wants me to hear most of all.  As long as I am following His lead in His kingdom and remaining obedient to His call for my life, I AM GAINING RENOWNED PROMINENCE,  only I’m laying up treasures and trophies where it counts-gaining fame for The Famous One.

“You are the Lord, the Famous One, Famous One.  Great is Your Name in all the earth.  The Heavens declare, “You’re glorious, glorious.”  Great is your Fame beyond the earth.” –Chris Tomlin

So if I never become anyone in your eyes, it’s okay.  I am with someone and in someone and part of someone who is the greatest Someone in all the heavens and all the earth.   And that, dear friends, makes me Someone too, for now and forevermore.